a few things

i'm listing because i've had a hard day and because it seems to be therapeutic for a great friend of mine.

1.  don't come into my office and clink your candy around in your mouth, so that it hits every tooth over and over again.  don't come into my office with your lunch and smack while i try to counsel/fit/test your significant other.  i should probably make a 'no food sign' on my office door and force them to spit out their gum or candy as they come in.  i'll put the sign next to the 'no cell phones' sign and the food wastebasket next to the cell phone basket.  you may thank me for not banging your head on something sharp at a later date.

2.  i love the vast majority of my patients, and if you were one of them, i'd probably love you, too.  that doesn't mean you can grab my face and kiss me on the lips.  my love for you will then be tainted.  and if you tap your fingers on the counter at me, we're done.

3.  don't speed around me, pull back over into my lane directly in front of me and immediately turn.  keep your @** behind me.  and for that matter, the speed limit is exactly the same when there's one lane, two lanes, or more.  if you're going below the speed limit when i can't pass, and then speed up way above the speed limit when i can, you're going to be cursed.

4.  don't smoke 14 cartons of cigarettes before coming to my office.  i may puke on you.  and if you have ear hair, i may puke twice.  in your lap.  you've been warned.

phew!  that was therapeutic!